Natural Grief and Self-Imposed Grief Explained
Natural Grief and Self-Imposed
Grief Explained
Ḥaḍrat Mawlānā Ashraf ʿAlī Thānawī
You should be able to differentiate between natural grief and self-imposed grief, two separate and very distinct concepts:
Self-imposed grief is created by one’s own conscious thinking and increased by repeatedly talking about it. No doubt, it is indeed severe, but its occurrence and persistence are voluntary and within your control. If you do not speak about it, do not deliberately bring it to mind or pay attention to it, such self-imposed grief will stay far away from you.
As for natural grief, it is certainly involuntary and one cannot help feeling it, but bear in mind that it is neither unbearable nor does it last for very long. The Shariah has set its duration at just three days; accordingly, offering condolences to the bereaved after three days is impermissible.
If you reflect on its wisdom, you will realise that Allah ﷻ has ordained this grief purely out of His mercy. In other words, He ﷻ wants to bless us with a special treasure, and grief is the only way to acquire it.
The Wisdom Underlying the Feeling of Grief
Humans are social beings [in need of one another], and society is dependent on empathy, [the ability to understand and share the feelings of another], and empathy, in turn, is dependent on tenderness of heart, [because a hard-hearted person cannot relate to the hardships of others].
In order to rekindle and rejuvenate the tenderness of the heart, things that cause tenderness, such as grief, must be experienced from time to time. If a prolonged period of time passes without experiencing this feeling, then the ability will eventually become completely inactive. Indeed, physicians have explicitly stated that a faculty that is not used will become dormant and useless.
In any case, the wisdom underlying the feeling of grief is that it rekindles the heart’s tenderness and rejuvenates the quality of mercy. This quality of empathy, mercy and kind-heartedness is a great treasure that can be useful and beneficial for religious matters and worldly matters as well.
